Monday. No sleep. Up early for an appointment. Half hour walk from station to dietitian’s office. Just day dreaming along to music as I’m want to do…
When HE starts talking. It’s not unusual, when I’m tired and relaxed (walking down quiet paths relaxes me) he can babble at me pretty intensely. Meant to write this down at the time but so much happened that day and I was so tired.
He pulled me on fear, on why I was still shrinking away from things, on why I wasn’t making the time to follow passions, on why I was still struggling when I easily should be passing through it all without a backwards glance. He suggested a routine even, for next semester, that would see school work and creative thing getting done. I’m going to give it a shot.
He talked to me about worship. That was important.
Sit with Ancestors, they’re family, they want time and love and affection and to be remembered, but they’re not fussing over formalities that hard. Dance for them, sing for them – and stop apologising for your voice, it’s fine – and give them more regular attention than you have been. You need to make the space for it.
Stand for the lady, be present and whole when you greet her. That’s all She asks, now stop procrastinating on it.
And Him. Kneel. Do not grovel, but stop putting it off. Yes, He is frightening. Yes, he’ll pull you to pieces. Yes, it’s all new, but you NEED it. And he isn’t going to go away. It’s been three years, He’ll stop being patient sooner or later.
He reminded me of promises to myself that I haven’t kept.
I may have cringed a bit, but really I needed it. I need that constant reminder or I just don’t get there…