Pep Talk?

Posted on November 30, 2011 by Twist

Monday. No sleep. Up early for an appointment. Half hour walk from station to dietitian’s office. Just day dreaming along to music as I’m want to do…

When HE starts talking. It’s not unusual, when I’m tired and relaxed (walking down quiet paths relaxes me) he can babble at me pretty intensely. Meant to write this down at the time but so much happened that day and I was so tired.

He pulled me on fear, on why I was still shrinking away from things, on why I wasn’t making the time to follow passions, on why I was still struggling when I easily should be passing through it all without a backwards glance. He suggested a routine even, for next semester, that would see school work and creative thing getting done. I’m going to give it a shot.

He talked to me about worship. That was important.

Sit with Ancestors, they’re family, they want time and love and affection and to be remembered, but they’re not fussing over formalities that hard. Dance for them, sing for them – and stop apologising for your voice, it’s fine – and give them more regular attention than you have been. You need to make the space for it.

Stand for the lady, be present and whole when you greet her. That’s all She asks, now stop procrastinating on it.

And Him. Kneel. Do not grovel, but stop putting it off. Yes, He is frightening. Yes, he’ll pull you to pieces. Yes, it’s all new, but you NEED it. And he isn’t going to go away. It’s been three years, He’ll stop being patient sooner or later.

He reminded me of promises to myself that I haven’t kept.

I may have cringed a bit, but really I needed it. I need that constant reminder or I just don’t get there…

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Little difficulties

Posted on November 12, 2011 by Twist

I have run into one of those walls I hit every so often where there’s so much I want to say and either comes out incoherent when I type it or sounds so awkward and outlandish that it would make people who care for me worry.

This is exasperating to say the least.

I love my people, they’re awesome people, and I do not want to worry about them. At the same time I want to get the random that is in my head out. The weird and fucked up day dreams, the angst, the psychotically shabby happy and the gentler melancholy all feels like it should be voiced… He’ll some of it feels more akin to someone else’s dreams than my own true thoughts, but I’ve been keeping a cap on it in order not to concern people with bigger things one their plates to worry over.

So this is a heads up really. Just letting people know that things here could possibly get very odd in the next few weeks/months/years as I let fly with the oddities in my mind in order to not dwell on them.

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Then I remember…

Posted on October 6, 2011 by Twist

 

Three of the best... and me.

The people who matter aren’t so easily chased away. 

 

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Food, glorious food

Posted on October 1, 2011 by Twist

Food. It’s good for you, I am assured, and will probably be the focus round here for a little while.

Seems that my long standing food issues are actually a long standing fructose intolerance issue and pretty much everything has fructose in it. So my diet, if that’s what you’d call it, has just been gutted.

This isn’t the first time, though in a way it’s more difficult than the other times as practically everything, even otherwise healthy whole foods like onions, contains fructose. So this afternoon I emptied my cupboards of almost all offensive foods other than the noodles I’m having for lunch tomorrow, the last two rounds of fresh pasta, some mushrooms & garlic for with said pasta and the milo. I will finish the milo then pout over not being able to buy more. The rest will see me though till I can go shopping.

Gluten free foods. Fructose free or glucose-fructose balanced everything.

Looks like I better get back to enjoying cooking…

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Hair cuts and awkward moments

Posted on September 18, 2011 by Twist

None related to the other.

I cut my hair. Well took to it with clippers. Check it out.

All gone, and don't I rock the look hard.

I look delightfully femme in that picture. That was the night after I got rid of the bleach stressed mess that was my longer hair. At some point I suppose I should inform my mother that I’ve done this. She’ll no doubt want a picture.

So on an unrelated note been thinking a bit about awkward moments. In particular the ones where I can tell somethings up but am never fucking sure if I should say something, ask, offer a shoulder… whatever. I’m an intensely private person in that aspect. I like room to think and I speak to the people I trust when, and only when, I am ready to. When I feel I understand enough of what’s going through my head to be able to comfortably get it out. I know most people probably don’t work like this. I mean logically not everyone can, but I’m never sure if I’ll be crossing some kind of line if I ask outright… So I don’t. And then I spend the next few days wondering if I should of.

It’s all rather stupid really, but I feel like not asking is making me seem uncaring and unavailable to people where the absolute opposite is the true. I guess I’ve spent enough time feeling utterly isolated from everyone to want people to know I am there for them and aware that there’s shit there, but I’m kind of crap at figuring out how to say that.

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Bump in

Posted on August 25, 2011 by Twist

Today I assisted Egofreaky bump in for the Melbourne Anime convention. This involved several hours of putting things in boxes, packing boxes into van, unpacking boxes at the venue, and then setting up the stalls.

Boxes full of books. Heavy lifting.

I am sad to report that I seriously miss hauling heavy objects for a living. Seriously. I’m all muscle achey and I wanted water and healthy vegetarian food for dinner for the first time in ages and my hands are slightly too sensitive….

And it’s all fucking fantastic.

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Monday Round-Up

Posted on August 15, 2011 by Twist

Not sure I’ll do these regularly but they seem a good way to start getting things in order. So here we go, what’s got my attention at the moment? I’m cleaning and sorting as I start working towards changing things so today’s round-up is an inspiration one.

Girls who can hold their own.

* Joan Jett’s sense of style.

This woman's dress. The outfit as a whole is hot, but my god that dress.

 

Interpretation of Neil Gaiman's Death character. Big boots and tight pants always will do it for me.

* It may be time to just shout goth come rockstar fashion.

* Cephalopods!!!!

* Magic. Magic magic magic. It’s like part of my brain just slammed into gear in the past few days.

*Lingerie by Simone Perele: http://www.simoneperele.com/

 

*Lingerie by Kiss Me Deadly: http://www.kissmedeadly.co.uk/

Strong women always get my attention

 

* Words by Molly Crabapple – My name is Me

* and finally this below, because this is sex and sexual, and might just make me squirm a little…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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One week down…

Posted on August 15, 2011 by Twist

It’s now been a little over a week since I finished up at my job.

As positive as I try to stay I have to admit it’s all a little up and down. I don’t really want to go back to work at the moment. I’m tense and a still distressed underneath my generally calm demeanor. The idea of dealing with job interviews right now freaks me the fuck out if I’m to be honest.

I’m cleaning my room and sorting through my crap. It seems like a good time to do it. Clean and sort my room. Clean and sort my mind.

Also cooking again appeals to me. I don’t know why but it does.

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Forward MARCH!

Posted on August 1, 2011 by Twist

I’m sitting here trying to put into words just how much I love my mind. I mean it’s really fucking fantastic.

I got, as many who will read this already know, informed that I would not be continuing after the end of my probation period on Friday. I can’t say the job I was working was epic and wonderful, but it was a support role for an organisation that worked with people who were vulnerable and hurting and that meant a lot to me. Enough that I was working my ass off and happy as they came there despite the occasional rant due to the usual bouts of stupidity that happen where humans are involved.

So I basically lost a job I loved and one that, up until that moment, I had no idea was anything other than long term. I could rant, I could rage but really…

My boss gave me ten minutes while she took a call and in that ten minutes, sitting in her office, I scribbled (on the back of the letter of termination that I still haven’t read no less) a list of things to do and options for my future.

Then I got sad. After that I got angry. And now I’m thinking.

I have options. Quite a few of them, and I could sit here and sulk and whine, but my brain is all about the ignoring of the closed door and the good hard look at the ones that have opened as a result of that on closing. And I love that.

I love that I’m at a place where what could be an absolute fucking disaster is instead an opportunity. I’ve worked hard to be here and I plan on staying in this place mentally for some time to come.

Also, did I ever mention the pink hair?

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Lunch Quiche!

Posted on July 16, 2011 by Twist

Yup, I’ve been in the kitchen. I rather rare thing for me in the past few months. Mostly because I’m seriously lazy, but I’m trying to do better and where else to start than with something tasty and simple.

The original recipe for this is curtesy of ‘Cookery the Australian Way – 6th Ed’ published by Macmillan. If you are a parent with kids learning to cook or someone just wanting to have a book full of the perfect basics this is your cookbook. My mother got it for me to stop me trying to steal her 1st ed copy from when she was in high school.

Onwards to food…

Lunch Quiche – Quick, easy and oven free.

Quick Crustless (Lazy) Quiche

In the cookbook this is done in one large 22cm microwave friendly cake pan, but I’m making this for lunch so it’s broken up into smaller containers.

Base recipe (as per the cookbook):

  • 4 eggs (beaten)
  • 1 1/2 cups milk
  • 1/2 cup self raising flour

My ingredients:

  • Diced tomato
  • Grated cheese
  • Torn up baby spinach
  • Cracked pepper

Take all of the base mix ingredients and mix together. Separate the mix out into microwave friendly lunch containers, filling them about a 1/4 full. Stir through* the other ingredients (or anything else you want) to taste. Cover with lids of cling wrap and throw in microwave for anywhere between 5-10 minutes on high. Checking occasionally to see where it’s at.

That’s it. Simple and easy, ready in minutes and quite tasty.

I split mine equally between 3 containers and each needed 6 minutes.

- Charlie

*Stir through, the microwave does not do a nice job on the cheese if you put it on top as you can see in the picture.

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